Dare to Create – Recovery isn’t a linear experience

 

ebf57993-7435-4c32-8a5f-a6e61cc3fd88.jpeg– pixabay.com

Hello survivors, and welcome to another Dare to Create article from #ProjectLifeQuality. Your creative corner, where we discuss our topic of the week and you are provided with a suggestion to take away with you.

This will be something designed to encourage, and motivate you to explore your thoughts through the use of the arts. PLQ continues to explore the topic of emotional abuse this week. Today’s article focuses on the impact and aftermath of abuse, and we look at how we can help ourselves recover. You’ll find more about this below the challenge.


Dare to Create – the challenge

This week I would like us to gently explore our personal abuse timelines.

Challenges like PTSD have a tendency to raise their ugly head unexpectedly, so just remember to look after yourself, take as long as you need to do this challenge and do only what you feel ready for. I hope you find great healing through this.

18626D0B-1153-47C9-8C03-E55891698A17Image source top and bottom left – typorama.com

The challenge – Paint a timeline of your emotions

* Consider your emotional journey of abuse
–  Before the abuse
–  During abuse
–  The present time

Now Consider the phrase

“Recovery isn’t a linear experience.”

It is neither a straight line nor the same as the next survivors,

so what does your timeline look like?

Think of methods and unusual tools with which to your draw lines.
(Cotton buds, your fingertips, fingerprints, your feet, a chopstick or cocktail stick, a garden twig… The list of options is limitless! Can you use something specific to your story? Whatever it is, remember self-love first and foremost.)

Use words in your artwork                                                                                                                                                                            – these could be significant dates,

– feelings or a specific memory,

– a poem you’ve written about abuse.

This is about YOU and YOUR journey, so what does yours look like?

Please share with us. Don’t forget to tag @projectlifequality #plq.

 

B57AC9E0-A89E-4773-8246-154C6C7BB2F8.jpegSource of background – Typorama.com

The impact and aftermaths of emotional abuse

“We can’t heal within the same environment that made us sick.” It sounds pretty simple when put like that, doesn’t it? But when in the abusive environment, it’s easy for us to not see it – or not wish to see it. I certainly identify with both, and perhaps you do too.

For me to grow and heal I needed to remove myself from the person. An analogy I think of when I revisit this experience, is gardening. Plants give me a lot of pleasure and orchids are one of my favorites. But orchids are fussy eaters and if I feed them with… Let’s say, tomato ketchup, I am certain they would rebel! They won’t even tolerate tap water! For them to look their best and flower their little hearts out, they must be happy and cared for – just like us. For me, that meant no contact followed by finding my true identity and confidence again.

The damaging effects of emotional and verbal abuse

Staying in an emotionally or verbally abusive relationship can have long-lasting effects on your physical and mental health.

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So how do we move forward?

The benefit of healing affirmations for victims of abuse

The attack on a person’s character, appearance, interests, job, friends/family… and everything else of importance to them, can emotionally break a person down so that they no longer trust their own judgment or perspective. The consequence if this is that they can find themselves trapped by the lack of confidence. After all, if told frequently that “No one else would put up with, what I do.” or “You can’t even cook, so how on earth would you survive without me?” it will eventually make a person so confused that they may start to believe the lies they hear.

How do we combat those voices that still live in our head?

Last week’s article explored emotional abuse looks and feels like, plus a little about how science has proven the arts can heal trauma. (If you missed it, click the link at the bottom.) And this is a fundamental reason behind Dare to Create challenges. Healing affirmations is another tool we can use to assist our healing.

Considering this week’s creative challenge, I’d like you to read the following. It’s from an article called 7 Healing Affirmations For Victims of Narcissistic Abuse. Link to their page

2DE62860-8187-467E-A6BC-5FE42CF117D8– 7 Healing Affirmations For Victims of Narcissistic Abuse – http://www.aconsciousrethink.com

It is important to remind yourself that the healing process is a continual one. Depending on how long a narcissist was a part of your life, it can take months years, or even a lifetime to fully come to terms with it.

What’s more, the path is not always a straightforward one; you may take forward steps, backward steps, and even sideways steps. Just remember that every step is a part of the journey and that it is neither a waste or a failure to have setbacks.

This simple confirmation that you are healing can provide the energy and impetus to get you through the challenges you’ll face along the way.”

~ A Conscious Rethink

If you found this useful, try saying the affirmation out loud daily. Visit the website for six more.

Further reading

Dare To Create – The benefits of Recovery Through Arts

Be the person you want to be!

Sincerely

Rebecca Goldthorpe
PLQ Creative Coach and Journalist

A Secret Letter To a stranger – Create Art!

Each Monday, our inspirational writer Melodic Rose will have random letter posted in the streets of Bergen. Hopefully someone who need’s it will find it, and read it, and hopefully it will inspire them to have a better day. This weeks letter were about Art and why you should create (E-Mail us if you want to post a letter in your city). Here is the original letter in all it’s entity

Melodic RoseMelodic Rose (1)Melodic Rose (2)Melodic Rose (3)Melodic Rose (4)

 

 

Weekly Motivation with Kenyatta – Surviving Abuse and the Impact of Abuse

The impact experienced after a major storm can initially be damaging and very traumatic. It is not until we explore the aftermath, that we realize that not all old pieces will be necessary to rebuild a new future!

When we are the victim of a violent past, life can feel like an ongoing storm that never ends. It is not until we break free and separate ourselves from that negative environment, that we can start to pick up all those pieces that are often taken apart by those who exhibit destructive behaviors. 

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Being a survivor of domestic abuse, sexual assault, emotional abuse and many other acts of violence will often cause our perception of the power that we possess to become distorted. It is during these acts of turmoil, that it is important to focus our energy on reestablishing a connection with a purpose that transcends us into a future that is brighter than our past!

As we move past the impact of a negative event that happened in our past, it is important to never bring any destructive people, ideas, or negative environments during your rebuilding phase during the aftermath.

It’s during this phase that we have a new opportunity use to the best material, in order to build a new future that accepts us as individuals and gives hope to a brighter future!

 

Sincerely,

Kenyatta Mitchell
Project Life Quality Motivational Speaker

JustCallMeLolli- A Survivor Blog: Impact and Aftermath of Emotional Abuse

 

2175508440_7e0f6dbb99_b.jpgPhoto credit: fusion-of-horizons on VisualHunt / CC BY

 

“She’s probably a soccer mom, who is very tired and the only thing she wants is peace and quiet.” “Man, he sure looks overworked. I hope he gets to play with his kids once he gets home from work.” “That girl needs a jacket. She’s obviously freezing to death.”

If I weren’t so creative, I would’ve probably studied Sociology. Studying people is quite interesting to me. The more in contact you are with people, the more you start developing these internal stories about them.

 


Snow Angels of The Heart

Sometimes behavior patterns can help people make assumptions, but it doesn’t mean all of them are accurate. If you find yourself placing blame on situations and places, it’s actually a red flag. There are snow angels in your heart which exposes the evidence of past rejections and residue of bad situations.

When you examine your heart, can you see the snow angels of fear, anger, brokenness, and rebellion? The snow angels are the evidence of the seeds that person deposited in you. It’s time to wipe the snow away, clear the path, and keep walking. (Not like Johnny Walker by the way.)

15807012402_04efe63c67_c.jpgPhoto credit: archer10 (Dennis) 116M Views on VisualHunt / CC BY-SA

Walls

Walls can be good or a bad thing. In the case of the image above, walls are necessary because it serves as protection. However, when walls are used to block people out that’s where you will find your emotions stagnant. A person’s emotions are associated with the time the abuse occurred.  This is why most abusers act like children because their emotions stayed at the 5-year rank once they were abused. Is this ringing any bells? One of the things that I’ve been working on myself is maturing in love. It is hard but necessary. When you decide beforehand who is going to bypass and who you are going to befriend, it shows your inability to love people. Love does not mean to be involved in someone else’s life all the time. Love is patient and kind and it doesn’t boast. It’s been less than ideal for me, but if I do want to marry someday, be a mother, and be a good friend, I must immediately unfriend and block bitterness. Committing yourself to inner vows such as: “I’ll never trust again” is cruel and unfair, not only for yourself but to people around you that have no fault of what they did to you. Sure you will be more careful, but don’t close yourself. Do not follow the lousy example the abuser gave: to stay stagnant in emotions and in love. I challenge you to pay the order of the person behind you next time you are at a fast food drive-thru. Just tell the cashier: “Hey can you also charge me for the car behind me?” That’ll make someone’s day. And who knows, maybe the person behind you was abused. Spread the love, my friend.

friend-pair-hug.jpgPhoto on Visualhunt.com

Shame…Of You!

Yes! You read that correctly! Shame of you! Forever! I image shame as a heinous bitter cold snowstorm. The more you make your way to your destination, the more frostbites and weak your body will encounter. My friend, one of the biggest problems that emotional abuse brings is the feeling of shame. The feeling of shame for opening up and being vulnerable about your struggles is as deadly as poison. Silence is shame’s best friend.

However, when you start reaching out and talking to a counselor about what happened you will find so much liberation. There’s so much healing in letting out your emotions.

There’s so much freedom in crying and let it flow. There is so much relief in knowing you are not alone. Before jumping into another relationship…

You thought I was going to forget that part right?

Survivors have this tendency…Before you make that mistake, take your time and heal. By entering a new relationship all you will find is more shame, because you will feel pressured if you make this person your path in order to heal. So anywhere you are in life, I declare shame off you right now!!

Go live a whole and healthy life.!

 

And remember you…you are beautiful!

Loren Ruiz

PLQ Survivor and Ambassador

Motivational Video – Survive Emotional Abuse with Kenyatta Mitchell

Listen to Kenyatta share his knowledge and expertise as well as his personal story with emotional abuse He will provide you with some tools for how he overcame abuse and broke a vicious cycle that had been going on his family for way too long (Scroll down to watch the video later)

kenyatta

The journey of surviving emotional abuse only begins when we realize it’s not about crossing a finish line but making daily progress!

Once anyone becomes a survivor of emotional abuse, the process can become a lifelong journey road to recovery. The transition of removing yourself from a negative and destructive environment is not an easy process.

But…. it is an important step to take toward to regain power and control over YOUR lifestyle.
~Kenyatta Mitchell~


A lifestyle that is worthy to feel empowered to make independent decisions without ridicule, to be supported by those around them, and more importantly to live a life that celebrates your ability to stand strong and increase your confidence to love yourself even when no one is around.

 

 

Sincerely,

Kenyatta Mitchell
Project Life Quality Motivational Speaker

Dare to Create – emotional abuse – the benefits of recovery through the arts

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– pixabay.com

Hello readers, and welcome to another Dare to Create article from #ProjectLifeQuality. Your creative corner, where we discuss our topic of the week and you are provided with a suggestion to take away with you.

This will be something designed to encourage, and motivate you to explore your thoughts through the use of the arts. PLQ begins exploring the topic of emotional abuse this week. Today’s article focuses on how to recognise the signs and also how we can help ourselves recover. You’ll find more about this below the challenge, but first, offer to this week’s challenge.

 

Dare to Create – the challenge

This week, I dare you took try something new that’s also creative. Here are some suggestions.

9DEC5CC5-9014-452D-B3CE-DE057C0A947B.jpeg

Source top and bottom left – pixabay.com

The challenge – Do something new!

Not everything you might want to do is free, but with a bit or searching online, it is possible to find cheaper ways to do things – many options are even free, so don’t fret if money is an issue.

Useful tip: Look for voucher codes, use an online marketplace, recycling and free gifting sites like www.helpfulpeeps.com

  • Join a singing or drama group.
  • Redesign your garden.
  • Join an online or local photographic group.
  • Download a new creative app to your phone – mandalas, drawing, music, colouring
  • Maybe you’ve been wanting to learn an instrument. Why not look into how you can do this?
  • Treat yourself to a colouring book and art equipment.
  • Book tickets to the cinema, a gig or theatre.

Please share with us. Don’t forget to tag @projectlifequality #plq.

 

What does emotional abuse look  and feel like?

Emotional abuse is prevalent within all groups of society. It can be experienced by men and women, children, young people and the elderly.  It’s recognised to be as being as damaging as physical abuse and this is reflected in the UK’s Serious Crime Act 2015, which makes behaviours which are coercive or controlling towards another person in an intimate or family relationship, punishable by a prison sentence of up to five years. You can learn more here.

https://www.relate.org.uk/relationship-help/help-relationships/arguing-and-confkict/what-emotional-abuse

The summary below which I found at https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk , is very useful too.

 

“PATTERNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE

Emotional abuse falls into three patterns:

  • AGGRESSIVE: which includes name-calling, belittling, blaming, accusing, yelling, screaming, making threats, degrading insults or destructive criticism.
  • DENYING: this includes sulking, manipulation, neglecting, not listening, withholding affection and distorting the other’s experience.
  • MINIMISING: this can include belittling the effect of something, isolating, accusations of exaggerating or inventing and offering solutions or ‘advice’.

 

SIGNS OF EMOTIONAL ABUSE

  • Depression or anxiety
  • Increased isolation from friends and family
  • Fearful or agitated behaviour
  • Lower self-esteem and self-confidence
  • Addiction to alcohol or drugs
  • Escapist behaviour

Emotional abuse can damage a person’s confidence so that they feel worthless and find it hard to make or keep other relationships. Secrecy and shame usually maintain the abuse.”

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Jerzy Gorecki via pixabay.com

 

How can we assist our recovery?

In researching for this week’s Dare to Create article, I came across many blogs and studies about the positive and healing changes that can be experienced through participation in the arts. One example comes from an online document by the Start initiative. Start is an arts-based mental health service, in Manchester, UK and is part of the local Mental Health and Social Care Trust.

C30F8FB2-4B69-4BE0-82F1-8CB4FDE2AB59– Start, Manchester MH & SC Trust

Their team of artists work with Occupational Therapists. Activities provided enable service users to experience the powerful benefits that the arts can bring.

But why is creativity so important? 

This is how Start describe creativity.

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F8DD5999-83F0-4C87-9E28-A59D464EA2EB– Start, Manchester MH & SC Trust

But what if you don’t think you are “naturally creative” or hate the idea of painting or drama for example? Personally I’d run a mile of if it was suggested I try acting! Well I have good news, everywhere gathered in the studies shows you don’t even need to be hands-on to feel the benefits. An example Start gives in their document entitled The Importance of Creativity for Health and Wellbeing – Evidence Base for Start, complied by Wendy Teall and Tamzin Forster, says that a person can feel improvement by just appreciating a piece of beautiful art. Imagine that! And by practising creativity, it will improve our well-being and general health by building many of our most essential skills, such as those below.

 

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– Start, Manchester MH & SC Trust

Imagine how useful it would be to develop these skills, as a survivor recovering from abuse! Pretty inspiring, isn’t it?

AC7FE804-525D-478C-BF00-B1222C7FCBE5.jpeg

– Start, Manchester MH & SC Trust

 

Further reading

You can read more about Start and the science behind it, if you follow the link below.

http://www.start2.co.uk/files/downloads/Start_MC_downloads/Reports_on_Starts_work/Start_evidence_base_March_2015.pdf

 

Be the person you want to be!

Sincerely

Rebecca Goldthorpe

PLQ Creative Coach and Journalist

Kenyatta – Surviving Emotional Abuse Motivation and Techniques

The act of surviving emotional abuse takes more than an act of courage, will, and hope that tomorrow will be better. It’s a process that identifies that being a survivor is a journey and that the road to recovery is an ongoing process!261322_2160174092971_5829277_n

When we are the survivors of an abusive past, it often creates a ripple effect that extends far beyond the initial act of abuse. It transforms ideas about how we feel about ourselves and others, to mirror the words or actions of the abusers. The act of moving forward will be a long journey, but it starts with taking small steps and celebrating every inch of progress.

The first phase of surviving emotional abuse is to begin the mental reconditioning process by introducing positivity and hope back into your thoughts.

It is not as simple as it sounds, but it is a starting point to make strides towards feeling and living a rewarding life.

It starts with self-love:
It is important to first identify the negative associations, and then come up with 15-25 words that disprove any abusive words that do not signify who you are.

25198928_1261743480595593_25308683_oRemember Sue Rose from our dare to create article?

ASSIGNMENT OF THE DAY 
Write out “I Am” in front of each empowering word, and say them out loud throughout the day. This will help recondition the mind to start to build positive associations. SELF-LOVE, IS THE BEST LOVE!
~Kenyatta Mitchell~

Physical Activity:
The second phase is to incorporate physical activity into your daily routine. If joining a gym does not fit into your budget or schedule,  you can incorporate other activities or hobbies to get the same benefit.

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY TIPS!
Hiking, biking, kayaking and even walking are all greats ways to get active without spending a lot of time or money.
~Kenyatta Mitchell~

These activities are good for your health but also important in releasing chemicals in the brain that is associated with happiness. As you increase your physical activity, you should consult a licensed health professional before beginning any exercise—so you will be covered.

 

Sincerely,

Kenyatta Mitchell
Project Life Quality Motivational Speaker

 

Non Profit Organisation for Abuse Survivors

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