Just Call Me Lolli – PLQ Survivor on What Is Emotional Abuse

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What Is Emotional Abuse

68450131Photo credit: Travellers Travel Photobook on VisualHunt.com / CC BY

The Silent Abuse

“But I’m not being physically punished” The voice inside your head whispers. All those moments of silent treatment. The days and nights where you were or are scrutinized of your whereabouts. The constant excuse making in public, for your partner’s behavior and the feeling of undeniable fear is way too familiar. Emotional abuse is more than cursing and cussing, it’s actually mind control implemented by fear itself. Emotional abuse is so dangerous because you may not be even aware you’re walking in it. When your emotions are so involved, you find your efforts of separating healthy and unhealthy futile. The constant walking on eggshells around this person, because you are afraid to upset them in any manner happens on a daily basis. You have etched your personality into the selfish needs of this person, to the point where you feel this is normal, just because she or he says so. When the other person you are involved with has the last saying something and is always “right” that when you know when you are in an emotionally abusive setting. Emotional abuse is like the picture above. Everything looks beautiful on the outside, there’s people around, but you feel like a castaway; so lonely.

83512988Photo credit: mRio on VisualHunt / CC BY

Let’s Make Things Clear

If you still have doubts regarding whether or not you were emotionally abused (or if you are being exposed to it right now), I would suggest for you to click this link: Lyrics Video

To help you  untie the dysfunctional emotional knots, I wrote down several things I perceived from this song.

Song Notes:

 

  • Confusion
  • Severe Disappointment
  • Feeling unwanted and unloved.
  • Hopelessness
  • The abuser is the epicenter of your life. That person is your world. (Co-dependency)
  • You, the victim, have a “Savior complex”. You think you can save the abuser from habits, tendencies, and other behavioral problems and or problems. (Too much pressure by the way)
  • You find wasting your time on this person, when you could be doing things for your future.
  • You’re going back and forth. You want this person, but at the same time you resent the fact that you have this unnecessary pain due to the relationship. (Let’s say it together on 3…Toxic)
  • You feel you can’t escape this person.
  • The negative thoughts in your head, is your abuser’s thoughts portrayed unto you. (Brainwash)

 

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Photo credit: Broo_am (Andy B) on Visualhunt.com / CC BY-ND

Confronting the Knots

Do you know how to sew? Hasn’t it happened to you that when trying to make that knot at the end of the string, the little ball between your fingers ends up being too small? And then you have to try again until you have a bigger knot in order to start sewing. Otherwise, the thread will go through the fabric because of the small knot. The following is uncomfortable for many people. Confronting things are never easy, but sometimes it’s the best thing to do. I am not suggesting to confront the person who abused you. I’m talking about discussing the white elephants in the room that seems to be ignored. You might be asking yourself: “What do I do with all of my feelings towards this person?” Well, this is the time where you have to be bold, brave, and ignore your feelings. May I submit the following under your consideration? Could it be that you are in love with the concept of this person rather than the person itself? Sometimes lust feels like love. Other times the “love” you say you have may be plain codependency. A strong attachment is possible to be formed between two people. However, don’t think about the few amount of times where the person was nice to you. The abuse overrules every bouquet, dinners, and lousy apologies. It may take years for the feelings you have. Most victims are in love with a perception, not the real person. I don’t mean to discredit you. I just think you deserve the best, and in order to start healing you must come out of denial. The person you thought you love is just a ghost. But fret not, there’s hope for you…until then heal your heart.

 

And remember…you are beautiful!

Loren Ruiz

PLQ Survivor and Ambassador

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