Monday Weekly Education — Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship

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Part of having self-love is valuing our own worth independent of our role in a relationship. Yes it can be nourishing to be in a healthy relationship. But it could also be harmful to continue an abusive relationship through a lack of appreciation for self worth.

You deserve to be appreciated by a relationship partner. You deserve to hear affirming, caring and nurturing things from your partner. You deserve to have your partner respect the relationship itself.


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What are some warning signs of an abusive relationship?

A partner who flirts openly with other persons is not respecting the relationship. Much more so if there is outright infidelity.

A partner who keeps making conditional statements such as “I love you but” or “If you don’t ____ I’ll ____” is not respecting you.

A partner who is constantly hypercritical, humiliating, embarrassing, sarcastic and hurtful is not helping you build yourself up.

A partner who is excessively moody, withdraws affection, refuses to communicate, gives guilt trips, and tries to make everything your fault, is not respecting you or the relationship with you.

Extreme behavior like unreasonable jealousy, isolating you from friends and family, threatening suicide if you don’t show attention, or using money to control you, are forms of abuse.

These are the warning signs of an abusive relationship. We’ll discuss in detail what a healthy relationship looks like in an upcoming article, but please recognize that an abusive relationship is not likely to be repaired and is better ended sooner.


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But I know I am loved because of the good times!

Abuse in relationships is often interposed with periods of affection and attention as the abuser tries to manipulate the survivor into staying in the relationship. These “good times” do not outweigh the reality of abuse!

Let’s recover our positive focus for a minute…

You are capable and deserving of forming a good relationship. You are capable and competent to determine whether your relationship is not healthy. You have a value that is absolute and cannot be relative to your ability to remain in any relationship with another person.

If you have been reading along with us about the skills of self-love and self-awareness, you know that a pause to reconsider your emotions and attitudes is healthy and helpful. Let such a pause occur while you review your treatment of yourself in your relationship. Have you been deliberately smothering your emotions and self-worth to justify continuing the relationship? That is a warning sign of a bad relationship.


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What can be done about a bad relationship?

If these warning signs are present in your relationship you may want to consider a counseling session to help you identify your options and guide you towards liberating yourself from your abusive relationship. We have every confidence that you can take self-improving steps in the right direction! That is one of our founding principles here at PLQ.

And remember that as you take on the real stress of adjusting your relationship situation, you are capable of handling this stress and emerging with greater depth of character and strengths because of enduring this stress. It is change for the better.

And please remember

You are Beautiful

Christopher Andrew Balsz
PLQ Motivator and Contributor

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