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The Heart of the Issue
Abuse survivors have a tendency of putting others first to the point where they are in a constant state of depletion and emotional exhaustion. How can the dynamics of your household and relationships function properly if you’re not taking care of yourself? Yes, you may have kids. You may have a daunting list of responsibilities that seem endless. However, remember that you cannot expect to give the best of you to others if you’re running empty. I believe the heart of the issue of this repetitive issue is that we secretly hate ourselves. We’re not up to par when it comes to other people’s standards. We may not have the lives others portray on social media. We have believed the lies of our tragic experiences and carry that around to everywhere we go as if it were a heavy backpack. The one you need to love is yourself because you matter. If you don’t love yourself, you won’t be able to love others.
What are you listening to?
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One of the things I discovered during the early stages of my healing process is that I would constantly listen to depressing music. I can guarantee you that during that time, the songs served as a great tool for validating my emotions, but it didn’t help me mature as a person. I had to make a drastic decision in order to see better results in my everyday life. Therefore, I proceeded to say goodbye permanently to certain bands and songs. Forever. Now, this may seem way too hard for you to do right now because you might not be ready. Perhaps, you think it’s very difficult or that it’s not even possible. It is possible. Remember that you don’t have to repeat toxic cycles now. You are not a slave to your past. If you often feel lonely at home, I recommend for you to put on good music while you clean and do your chores. Lately, I have been listening to this: 【STUDIO GHIBLI JAZZ- 24/7 Chill Out Cafe Music Live Stream and it’s been helping a lot.
Invest in Yourself
Chances are that if you were abused as a child, you were either controlled on every aspect of your life or neglected. Your needs were never important and your self-esteem decreased each day as people around you diminished your value. Do not feel ashamed if you have needs. If you have a skin problem and need skin products to heal your skin, purchase them. If you have been wearing the same clothes for many years, then I’d suggest you go shopping. This is not about vanity, but rather self-perception. If you feel good, you’ll see how you’ll grow in confidence. Dress for success, not for others but for yourself.
Create a relaxing environment
If you are allergic to many things, this section may not be for you. Hopefully, it is! I don’t know what it is about scents, but they’re able to create a stress-free environment. Treat yourself and buy a new candle or an air diffuser with some essential oils. Now, I know what you may be thinking if you’re a guy. “This is not for me!” Well, there’s always scented free lotions. I want to share with you some of my favorite scents for lotions. They are all from the brand Bath and Body Works.
- French Lavender and Honey
- Cucumber Melon
- Paris Amour
- Violet Lily Sky
- Wild Honeysuckle
- Tahiti Island Dream
- Tutti Dolci: Golden Honey Praline (Body Cream and Body Gel)
- French Lavender Shea Butter Hand Cream
I always try to keep a bottle of lotion next to my workspace. It reminds me of comfort and self-care. If the stress level is off the charts then I make sure to listen to ambiance videos such as these:
- Lord of the Rings ASMR – Rivendell – Ambient sound white noise
- Bioshock Infinite Ambience – Battleship Bay Beach
- Star Wars Battlefront – Hoth Ambience
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This may be awkward for quiet personalities. Do not fear! It’s not as bad as it seems! Go by yourself to a beautiful place and enjoy reading a good book. There are two books that I would recommend you. The first one is a book of poems treating the subject of self-love and celebrating your uniqueness: I’ll just save myself by Nidhi M. Jhaveri
The second one is focused on our destructive thoughts and how to overcome the lies that we believe in ourselves. Crash the Chatterbox: Hearing God’s Voice Above All Others by Steven Furtick
If you don’t like to read, you can always go to a movie theater or a restaurant. The restaurant situation may become uncomfortable for you if you’re not used to going out by yourself, let alone in public. However, don’t pay attention to people’s stares. You don’t need to have a date to have fun. You matter. You deserve a nice dinner once in awhile. I know social anxiety is a real thing. I’ve experienced it too many times and sometimes still struggle with it. However the more you partake in this practice, the more confident you will become. If you do choose to go by yourself or with a friend, make sure to stay safe!
Taking care of yourself is a form of self-affirmation. It’s declaring that you have value and that you deserve a better life than what you were told.
Best regards friend!
And remember…you are beautiful
PLQ Survivor Ambassador