Within the dark thoughts of intimidation and fear, there’s still space in your mind for this audacious question: Is it possible to leave? The answer is yes. However, before you do anything out of impulse, let’s review important things before making a customized exit plan for the crisis.
- There is help for you.
Visit http://www.thehotline.org/about-us/contact/ for more information about resources, connecting with a live operator, articles, and much more.
- Keep in mind the tactics.
The main tactics of abusers are the following: self-pity, manipulation, and intimidation or threats. In some cases, abusers suggest they will take their own lives. If the person threatens to do this, please contact the police immediately and notify the situation. Please click the following link. It contains truths that victims face when trying to leave abuse. https://web.law.asu.edu/Portals/38/Documents/50%20Obstacles%20Lvg%20Art.pdf
- A weak plan is dangerous for your safety.
You need to consider how to leave. If you have children, you need to think about their safety first. Consider not leaving a trail for the abuser to find you. Think about it as a game of chess, you must be three steps ahead in your plan. Is your intention to get away or to leave this person for good? Many victims want to leave, but they are not serious enough about cutting off all communication with the abuser. If you are very serious about leaving, it is more likely that your plan will be more effective.
Photo on <a href=”https://visualhunt.com/re/ee8631″>Visual Hunt</a>
Photo on Visual Hunt
As a victim, you have learned how to operate in secrecy. Secrecy is a powerful weapon in leaving. If your intention is to start accumulating information to leave in a few weeks, a couple of months, a year here are some useful tips for you to get ready. These tips may sound unconventional at first, but they may work for your situation.
- Finances: Keep a secret stash for cash.
If you have a trusted friend let him or her keep your secret stash at their residence. I suggest two options for secret stashes. The first one you can order online:
The second option is to take a large stuffed animal, (preferably one that doesn’t belong to your kids) cut the seam at the back, place your cash in a plastic resealable bag and then sew the back again. Consider how much you put inside, you don’t want the abuser to be suspicious about it. If you can’t have it at your place, let your friend have it.
- Personal Belongings.
Do you want to move to another city, neighborhood or country? Do you want to schedule the movers to come to your residence while the abuser is working in order to get all of the furniture in the rented van? Remember you have options. Plan a specific day on when to leave. If you don’t put a date on it, chances are you will never leave. Once you have identified a good date, then you will think of everything that involves personal belongings.
Who is around you? Your kids, friends, or coworkers? Maybe you have been so isolated you don’t have anyone. It may be possible that you have to rely on strangers working at a shelter or organization. I can assure you that they only want the best for you. It may be shameful, but this is a time where you have to push your pride aside and see how beautiful your future can be.
If your children are small, you may not want to tell them your plan. Why? Because whatever information you give them, they are likely to give away innocently. Also, if the abuser senses that the child knows something, they may be manipulated into releasing the truth. Be wise.
- Do not leave a trail.
Try to avoid as much as you can to stay in nearby hotels or near towns. If you have to please be cautious about every step. I would suggest for you to sell some belongings Ebay on or save money to buy a cheap smartphone with a prepaid plan. That way you can leave your phone behind once you leave. Try to avoid relying on the abuser’s family members or friends for help. They may be a decoy and betray you in the long run. Be wise on who to trust. When going to another town or city, make sure to research where the basic places are located such as supermarkets, hotels, transportation etc.
Photo by Ray200260 on Visualhunt / CC BY-ND
I wish I could get your screen and give you the warmest hug. My friend, you are not alone. Research and be wise. Be strong and courageous. Your dreams are on the other side of fear.
The PLQ team is rooting for you. We love you.
PLQ Ambassador and Survivor