“Justcallmelolli” It was something about the nuances and every little thing she would notice that caught my eyes. Her purity and humble character, her strength and open being. She had just started her recovery. Now 270 days later she is here providing us with articles of her experience overcoming abuse. This in her pursue of facing stigmas of Abuse. I present to you Loren “Lolli” Ruiz.
Day 47: Recovery🌳
I have one prayer request today, God: To fall in love again with the creativity that was stolen from me. Every detail of my life is important to you so help me believe, let go, and love again. 💜
My name is Loren, but I go as Lolli (like lollipop), because most people can’t write or pronounce my name correctly. For those of you wondering I was named after Italian actress Sophia Loren. I am currently an online college business student planning to graduate on November 2018. Meanwhile, I am working on opening my own business on Etsy and on my artistic abilities. My passion about emotional healing helps me connect with others and in the process, I get to meet awesome people. My favorite animals are dogs and I would love to visit Japan someday.
What is your Prettiest place and why?
That’s a very tough question! There are so many beautiful places in this world. However, if I needed to pick just one it would probably be my home country Puerto Rico. It’s a beautiful island in the Caribbean.
The first day before starting your recovery, what goal did you set for yourself?
At the moment I don’t remember setting any goals for myself during that period. However, I do remember that my intention was to reach strangers by using different hashtags related to abuse. Also, I wanted to be transparent about the daily struggles a survivor. Social media is the number one tool used to post society’s highlight reels instead of their “behind the scenes”. I wanted survivors to be part of the “behind the scenes” of my personal recovery without filters.
Can you please give us any tips on how to focus dealing with abuse.
- Surround yourself with genuine and empathetic people. (Not everyone has emotional tact to deal with these kind of topics)
- Find a healthy coping mechanism to express yourself without hurting yourself or others.
- Constant forgiveness. (Forgiveness for yourself and your abuser is vital. Forgiving yourself for the constant self- blaming and hate can help your emotional state greatly. Sometimes survivors hate themselves and criticize themselves constantly for things that are not even their fault. Forgive and let go! Also forgiving the abuser does not mean that what was done to the victim is right. It just means that you won’t allow hate and resentment pollute your heart and dictate your life.
What is your Favorite healthy meal?
There is this cool recipe I heard of a long time ago it’s called Ratatouille. Like the Disney movie haha. I have not tried it yet, but I’m planning on making it for the holidays. Its ingredients consist of spices such as oregano, coriander and thyme. It’s a vegetable dish, so you could say it’s quite versatile. Most of the time people use eggplants, squash, red bell peppers, zucchini and tomatoes. I would personally add corn, cucumbers, green peppers, salt, olive oil, and a hint of black pepper. The recipe can be prepared in the oven or the skillet, whichever the person prefers. Here’s the link for the recipe:
What is your most beautiful memory
My most beautiful memory would be a specific Christmas I celebrated back home. I went over to a relative’s house and there was approximately 50 people. There was music, food, dancing, laughter. My favorite part was the fact that my best friend and I would ignore the adults and stay up till 3 am watching movies and eating random things. Everything was simple back then. But there’s so much more memories! I’ll share them one day.
Why do you feel it’s important to stand up against abuse the way you do?
Personally, I have been affected by the silence of society. I decided to speak up because I want people, especially parents to understand that they need to talk about sex to their children in a healthy way. If they don’t, then their children will learn about it the wrong way and or end up being a victim of abuse. The more awareness, the less ignorance.
What are your personal values and how does it motivate you during your everyday life?
I live by one principle and that’s love. Love is generous, patient, and kind. Because I have been loved then I have no excuse to love other people. Whether the person likes me or not, it doesn’t matter. (Although it at times it can be quite challenging.) You never know the seeds you spread in people’s lives when you love them. It truly makes a difference. An example of this can be paying for a person’s order in the drive thru. Telling the cashier to also charge you for the next car’s order. You never know if the car behind you is struggling financially, so that can be a blessing to them. Other ways include complementing people, pointing out their strengths instead of their weaknesses, and reminding them that they are alive for a wonderful purpose.
What form of creative or physical outlet do you use when you experience hardship?
I usually go on long walks around the neighborhood, although I haven’t in a while. It’s getting quite cold with the approach of winter and I don’t particularly enjoy that type of whether. LOL Other than that I enjoy writing songs, journaling, writing stories, singing, and drawing
What is your favorite song and why?
Hardest question ever! I enjoy hearing all types of music, so this constantly changes. One day I’ll make a list of all my favorites! One of my favorite songs is the opening theme of the video game Kingdom Hearts. It’s called Simple and Clean. The orchestra version is so majestic and brings tears of joy to my eyes. It reminds me of great memories of when I first started to play this game.
What is your favorite thing to do when you’re feeling down?
Creating art, listening to music, and reading helps me. I tend to isolate myself on hard days, so being creative and stimulating my perspective keeps me distracted.
Please, if you can write a few lines by hand and send it by photo or a tiny doodle.
And last but not least: If you were ever to meet a victim of abuse what would you tell that person?
This would really depend on the victim’s age. If the victim is a child I would speak in simple terms so that he or she can understand. Letting a child know that a. what they are going through is not okay, b. they need to tell an adult they can trust, and c. congratulate them for their courage is very important. Emphasizing their courage to tell boosts a child’s self-esteem, and is more likely to seek out for help. This scenario would not be common however, since most children don’t tell unfortunately due to shame and threats by the abuser. If the person is an adult I would give he or she phone numbers of domestic violence shelters, talk about a safety exit plan, but most important of all validating their worth as person.
This is a short presentation of our new ambassador Lolli. Every Thursday she will provide you with blog articles of her journey as a survivor of abuse. Together with us she will face stigma. We are so so honored to have her on our team follow her journey and be inspired! Like we are by inspired by her!
The PLQ Team